关注续写的多维度衔接

龙艳琴

【問题导读】

读后续写要求我们在阅读完原文后，根据要求和提示句把文章未写完的部分补充完整，使之构成一个完整的故事。因此，一篇好的读后续写，不仅要有丰富的内容、巧妙的构思和规范的表达，还需要把这些内容有效地衔接起来，使续写的内容与原文在逻辑和语言上都能保持衔接与连贯。而我们在读后续写实践中往往存在以下问题：主题理解不清，续写内容缺少与原文的合理衔接，续写的情节或角度与原文脱节，人物性格与原文不一致，语言风格与原文差异太大，叙事节奏过快或过慢，等等。

【名师导学】

衔接是一种使上下文之间取得连接与过渡的写作技法，主要作用是使文章保持意义上的连贯和语言表达上的流畅。除此之外，在读后续写的写作中，还应保持情节与原文的连贯、语言风格和人物性格的协调以及叙事节奏的一致。只有关注多维度的衔接，才能在原文的基础上续写出符合故事情节发展、可读性强的故事。

读后续写要求续写的段落与原文思维连贯、语言风格一致。以下以案例为指导，阐述如何“续”原文中的思维和语言，以激活学生的思维和语言，从而更好地进行续写。

【案例导引】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

One weekend in July， Jane and her husband， Tom， had driven three hours to campovernight by a lake in the forest. Unfortunately， on the way an unpleasant subject came upand they started to quarrel. By the time they reached the lake， Jane was so angry that shesaid to Tom，“ I＇m going to find a better spot for us to camp.” Then she walked away.

With no path to follow， Jane just walked on for quite a long time. After she hadclimbed to a high place， she turned around， hoping to see the lake. To her surprise， she saw nothing but forest and， far beyond， a snowcapped mountain top. She suddenly realized thatshe was lost.

“Tom！” she cried.“ Help！”

No reply. If only she had not left her mobile phone in that bag with Tom. Jane keptmoving， but the farther she walked， the more confused she became. As night was beginningto fall， Jane was so tired that she had to stop for the night. Lying awake in the dark， Janewanted very much to be with Tom and her family. She wanted to hold him and tell him howmuch she loved him.

Jane rose at the break of day， hungry and thirsty. She could hear water trickling （滴落）somewhere at a distance. Quickly she followed the sound to a stream. To her great joy， shealso saw some berry bushes. She drank and ate a few berries. Never in her life had shetasted anything better. Feeling stronger now， Jane began to walk along the stream andhoped it would lead her to the lake.

As she picked her way carefully along the stream， Jane heard a helicopter. Is that forme？ Unfortunately， the trees made it impossible for people to see her from above. A fewminutes later， another helicopter flew overhead. Jane took off her yellow blouse， thinkingthat she should go to an open area and flag them down if they came back again.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

文本解讀

一、思维上的衔接与连贯

一篇好的文章或一个好的故事，它的情节设计通常有理有据且引人入胜，它的语言表达通常合理且严密，它的内容紧紧围绕主题而展开。所以读后续写要想写得完美，必须延续原文的合理情节，模仿其语言风格，实现续写内容与原文在思维和语言上的连贯性。

1. 读透原文，厘清语篇要素

2. 厘清故事线索，保持时间、空间上的连贯性

简和她的丈夫汤姆去野营，途中因两人发生争吵，简负气另寻营地，结果在森林中迷了路。简又饿又怕，且两次错过了救援机会，只能硬着头皮独自一人在森林中过夜……

3. 关注故事的发展脉络，保持故事情节上的连贯性

4.主要人物性格或特点的连贯

根据上表分析可知，主人公简深爱着她的丈夫，而且她是一个聪明、勇敢、坚强的女性。因此，在续写时要延续主人公的这些性格特点。

5. 厘清文章主题，保持主题的连贯

本文结合了人与自然和人与社会的话题，选取了生活中较常见的题材——争吵、迷路等日常冲突，从爱和冷静的角度引导学生关注和周围人在生活上的小冲突。续写时要延续原文的主题思想，所设计情节要围绕主题展开。

6. 品读首句，把握叙事节奏

续写部分所给的两个段首句是非常重要的提示信息，它们决定了续写的叙事节奏。在进行续写时，要给予特别的关注。根据续写部分第一段的首句“But no morehelicopters came and it was getting dark again.”可知，本段落的时间跨度不大，情节的发展方向应该是天黑后发生的事情；
而根据续写部分第二段的首句“It was daybreakwhen Jane woke up.”可知，故事的发展已经来到了第二天天亮之后，所以续写时应该把重点放在天亮后主人公的所作所为。

因此，本故事的叙事节奏不宜过快，而应在保持与原文主题一致的情况下有序推进。

二、语言上的衔接与连贯

语言是思维的工具，在“续”好语篇中思维的同时，还需要“续”好语篇中的语言。读后续写要求学生有与上文连贯的思维，续写的内容要有具体的情节和丰富多样的语言表达。所以在续写时，要围绕主题意义，延续原文的语言风格，运用恰当的叙述性语言和描写性语言进行完整的语篇构建。

1. 续文与段首句之间的衔接

续写部分第一段的段首句“But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.”包含两个重要信息——“当天不可能有直升机再来了”以及“天色暗了下来”。因此，续写时要在这两个重要信息的基础上展开情节设计：天马上黑了，不会再有直升机来了，那么主人公简会有怎样的心情？她会想什么，做什么？

2. 关注续写部分第一段与第二段的衔接

根据续写部分第二段的段首句“It was daybreak when Jane woke up.”回推第一段的结尾应该是简睡着了，而续写部分第二段发生的时间是天亮之后，那么该段的情节可能是简睡醒后继续想办法获救。结合文章的主题可推测，简最后获救并与汤姆重归于好，反推这一段的主要情节应该是汤姆乘坐直升机出现，救出了简。

3. 语言风格的衔接与连贯

原文的语言风格为叙述性语言和描写性语言的结合，因此，续写时应该延续原文的语言风格，在慢推进时多选择描写性语言，在快推进时选择叙述性语言。在语言的使用上，原文用词丰富多变、句式多样，续写时可以借鉴和模仿，以求达到语言形式和语言表达的协同。

4. 关注续写内容间的衔接

在具体表达上，续写段落的内容之间要保持前后的衔接与连贯，此时可以运用主位推进的手法和技巧进行语言表达的顺序安排。如“But no more helicopters came andit was getting dark again.”的后一句为“Immediately， absolute darkness ruled the forest.”，段首句中的述位dark变成了续写第一句的主位。这种主位推进的策略可很好地保持句子之间的衔接与连贯。

参考范文

Paragraph 1：

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Immediately， absolutedarkness ruled the forest. Jane， exhausted and scared， lay down near a stone， missing herfamily at a distance. All the fantastic memory crowded in and she couldnt help crying，“Hadn‘t I quarreled with Tom， walked away and climbed to the high place， I wouldnt betrapped in this awful place， confronted with the danger of dying.” She regretted what shedid， and then became asleep with shining tears in her eyes.

Paragraph 2：

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. And， as luck would have it， a helicopter just cameby！ Jane yelled and skipped， waving her yellow blouse. To her great joy， the helicopter noticed her and landed. What astounded her most was that it was Tom who sat in thehelicopter！ Out rushed Tom. A huge smile spread across Jane‘s face and the couple huggedtightly for a long time. It was the narrow escape that made Jane perceive that love waspriceless. Over the next years， a change came over the couple. Reasoned discussionreplaced fierce arguments and politeness replaced contradiction. They treasured the lifeand love more.

【模拟导练】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

Pam Bales left her car and stepped onto the snowcoveredJewell Trail. She planned asixhourhike through New Hampshires Mount Washington State Park. The hike up thelower part of Jewell was pleasant. At 8：30 am， still below the treeline， she took the first in aseries of onthetrailselfies.

Less than an hour later， she took another photo， after she‘d climbed into colder air anddeeper snows. She made her way across the snowcoveredridge toward Mount Washington.Then she noticed something：
a single set of footprints in the snow ahead of her. Shed beenfollowing faint tracks all day and hadn‘t given them much thought， because so many peopleclimb Jewell Trail. But these， she realized， had been made by a pair of trainers， not suitablefor hiking on snow.

By 11 am， Bales was getting cold and decided to abandon her plan. The only thingkeeping Bales on Jewell Trail was the trainer tracks in the snow. As she fought the windand heavy sleet （雨夾雪）， the tracks made a hard lefthand turn off the trail.

Now she was alarmed. She was sure the hiker could not get through in the low visibilityand was heading straight toward the challenging trails of the Great Gulf Wilderness. Balesstood there， stunned. The temperature and clouds were in a race to find their lowest point，and darkness was mere hours away. She turned to the left and called out“ Hello！” into thefrozen fog.

Nothing. She called out again，“ Is anybody out there？ Do you need help？”

The strong westerly winds carried her voice away. She blew her rescue whistle. For afleeting moment she thought she heard someone reply， but it was just the wind playinggames with her mind. She stood listening， then turned and walked cautiously in the directionof the single set of tracks. Bales followed the tracks cautiously for 20 to 30 meters. Sherounded a slight corner and saw a man sitting motionless.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

When she approached him and said hello， he did not react._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

After waking the man up， Bales recognized that they had to get out of there soon._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

【評价导思】

1. 我是否做到了续写的内容与原文在情节上保持连贯？

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. 续写这篇文章的时候，我是否关注了语言层面的衔接？

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. 在思维连贯上，我还有哪些方面做得不够？

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

猜你喜欢 连贯段落语言表达 语意巧连贯，旧“貌”换新“颜”——从“八省联考”卷探析高考语意连贯题新世纪智能(语文备考)(2021年4期)2021-08-06【短文篇】小学阅读指南·低年级版(2020年9期)2020-10-12心理小测试阅读（快乐英语高年级）(2020年9期)2020-01-08衔接连贯题的复习备考注意点新世纪智能(语文备考)(2018年11期)2018-12-29新闻采访中如何应用语言表达技巧新闻传播(2018年12期)2018-09-19夏天，爱情的第四段落散文诗(2017年17期)2018-01-31语言表达综合训练作文周刊(高考版)(2016年48期)2017-06-10弄清段落关系 按图索骥读文读写算(下)(2016年11期)2016-05-04语言表达与语体选择中国修辞(2016年0期)2016-03-20家教语言表达的“八种误区”中国火炬(2010年7期)2010-07-25